Part IV - Forbearance
The Maiden-Mother-Crone cycle, while an obvious physical manifestation in a woman's lifetime, is also a recurring sequence within the psyche. If the maiden is innocence personified, then it is the good mothering aspect that forces her into the world and into the wild, to toughen and breed stamina. And it is the crone who not only imparts higher wisdom, showing a broader and more spiritual picture, but also a state that the psyche must reach for maturation.
In the maiden state, women frequently make a most terrible
bargain—we settle. We choose a path that promises riches and fulfillment, only
to find that we sacrificed our deepest knowing in the process.
We suppress our wilder selves to appease our parents, our teachers, our religion and society at large. We don't make the art that calls to us because it's too crazy, too edgy, too sexual, too anything that offends those that have also made the same bargain, and resent that you would dare step outside these boundaries. Art done in this way is flat, unshaped, and lacking in vitality and life.
We suppress our wilder selves to appease our parents, our teachers, our religion and society at large. We don't make the art that calls to us because it's too crazy, too edgy, too sexual, too anything that offends those that have also made the same bargain, and resent that you would dare step outside these boundaries. Art done in this way is flat, unshaped, and lacking in vitality and life.
To right this wrong, it is necessary to activate the mother.
In its positive form, a mother is the protector of life. It becomes crucial for a woman to nurture her intuitive self, to listen to herself above all
others, to love oneself when it's so much easier to condemn.
For most women, their own physical mother fills this space within their psyche, and if the mother had a preponderance of positive attributes then this isn't as much a problem than if she displayed shadow aspects. If those are present—the devouring mother, who consumes her children psychologically and emotionally, or the abusive mother, who violates natural law by harming her offspring—then every effort must be made to excise this influence. A woman must learn to mother herself, and in so doing, excavate the terrain of the soul and bring forth the most pressing gifts and talents. Through this loving guidance can instincts and intuition be re-activated.
For most women, their own physical mother fills this space within their psyche, and if the mother had a preponderance of positive attributes then this isn't as much a problem than if she displayed shadow aspects. If those are present—the devouring mother, who consumes her children psychologically and emotionally, or the abusive mother, who violates natural law by harming her offspring—then every effort must be made to excise this influence. A woman must learn to mother herself, and in so doing, excavate the terrain of the soul and bring forth the most pressing gifts and talents. Through this loving guidance can instincts and intuition be re-activated.
The crone is a symbol of endurance, of survivorship. To move
through the other two stages is to have lost an innocence—more often than not,
a painful initiation—but it's also a sign, at least in the inner life, that one
never gave up. Amongst those also in the know, this is revered. At this point,
the creative life is given the credit it deserves, as necessary to life as air
and water.
The crone doesn't squander her time, doesn't play in the shallow areas frequented by those who've given away their dreams. She creates, letting that which has always resided deep in her bones bubble up and out. And it screams of authenticity. It is art that pulsates with life, that triggers the same in others, that speaks directly to the heart and makes it sing.
The crone doesn't squander her time, doesn't play in the shallow areas frequented by those who've given away their dreams. She creates, letting that which has always resided deep in her bones bubble up and out. And it screams of authenticity. It is art that pulsates with life, that triggers the same in others, that speaks directly to the heart and makes it sing.
Works Cited
Estés,
Dr. Clarissa Pinkola. Women Who
Run With The Wolves. Ballantine Books, 1992.
Myss, Carolyn. Sacred Contracts: Awakening Your Divine
Potential. Harmony Books, 2001.
Don’t miss Part VI in the Creativity series: The Virgin and
the Sacred Prostitute
Kristy,
ReplyDeleteI don't recall the circumstances now, but within the past couple of years, you wrote of the book 'Women Who Run with the Wolves'. I was intrigued, so I purchased it, read it, and put it aside. There is much to ponder and digest in this book. I am just now re-reading it. Slowly. Thoughtfully. I am picking up so much more in the second reading. I highly recommend it for all women to read. So, thank you for this.
This line... "We suppress our wilder selves to appease our parents, our teachers, our religion and society at large." ...speaks volumes and a glance back through history shows us why we learned this suppression as a survival strategy.
Wonderful, insightful article. Thank you.
Kaye,
DeleteI'm so glad you like the book. It's such a wonderful resource that I've gone back to again and again. Different chapters will speak to you at different times, depending on where you're at in your life's journey. In the western world, as women we're fortunate to enjoy so many freedoms that our sisters in our countries don't, but we often still suppress our true natures. There's certainly no judgment -- we all face hardships and must make hard choices sometimes -- but I think it's important to become aware. If we can't own our choices, they become shadows, running our lives in ways that baffle us. I think that's why I love Dr. Estes's book. It shines a spotlight on the female psyche. So much juicy stuff!!
You are absolutely correct that different chapters speak to you at different times. The first time I read the book, the section dealing with "The Dark Man in Women's Dreams" didn't resonate. This time through... WOW! Hit me right between the eyes. There was a time in my life when I struggled with these types of dreams. Now, the dreams are gone, but I realized in my re-reading of this book that I'm writing the dark man archetype into my villains.
DeleteJuicy stuff is right.
Brilliant. I saw myself, and many of the 'delinquents'I workded with, in your words of growing and being. This is such a great series and I thank you for undertaking it. Lots of wisdom that calls for the creative part of a person to revisit as each reading brings new insight. Thank you. Doris
ReplyDeleteDoris,
DeleteSo glad it's helpful. I know it's made a big change for me and my own work. Have a great Tuesday!!
Kristy, I really love this series of yours. Can't say enough good about it, really. I especially love that you've linked the past articles because I need to go back and reread those too, from time to time, and have all the references listed that you've used, and all these wonderful images you've included.
ReplyDeleteMothering oneself--not easy. I was raised by a mother who believed everyone else's needs came before hers. I'm that same way. I expect that this world is full of people who had mothers just like mine and therefore, are trying to learn how to nurture, love and care for themselves STILL at this point in life (I'm 60). Here's one thing I've learned to do that helps me, just in the smallest way. When I feel nervous or anxious I pat my left hand or wrist with my right hand. Just a couple of taps, gentle and caring, as my mother would do, and as I NOW have to do to remind myself all will be well. It works! So I'm working on that part of what you're talking about--loving and caring for myself--even though others might have to wait a little longer for their dinner, etc. LOL
Thanks, Kristy. Just an excellent series.
Cheryl,
DeleteI love your hand-patting. What an excellent way to calm yourself. I think no matter what kind of mother we have (good, bad, somewhere in between), we all pick up habits along the way, which can be good, bad or in the middle. But by becoming aware, we can treat ourselves differently, because as children (and even adults) it's so easy to misinterpret our mothers and their actions. We often get our better mothering instincts from women who aren't biologically related to us, perhaps because we can see more clearly. Our relationship with our mothers is so highly-charged, but we must learn to let go of the internalization. Easier said than done! And takes a lifetime lol. Thanks for your support!! In a lot of ways, you are a mother to all us writers. :-)
Kristy, I think that's quite possibly the nicest thing anyone has said to me ever. I appreciate it so much. So glad to have such a great group of authors to work with here at PRP and Imprints!
DeleteCheryl,
DeleteYou're welcome. :-)
Kristy, you blow me away with this so important segment of your creativity series. You don't look anything like a crone or anywhere near that age pictured here, but wow, you have a lot of wisdom in your soul for such a young person. This latest article is not something I can skim through--I need to find an (impossible) quiet time to sit and reread every word of your series, digest it. I am in awe of all this wonderful information you've shared with us. I have mother issues to work through from childhood--and that can only happen with accepting what happened, forgive, and not repeat those mistakes. To a great extent I've managed to do that, but sadly, one can never forget. Perhaps that's a good thing, only because it serves as a reminder to break free from that cycle. I'm still struggling with guilt when I'm writing because there are so many other things that need to be done. But if I don't nurture my inner self, that creative muse that's struggled all these years to be heard, then the soul weeps.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth,
DeleteSo many of us have gone through this. Sometimes it comes from our own mothers, but it can just as easily be a familial problem, and sometimes a societal one as well. In the end, we must mother ourselves. And it is a constant, daily process. I'm glad you're liking the series. :-)
I hit submit too soon...I loved all the replies the ladies made to your article(s). What a great group of ladies, sharing their thoughts and wisdom. And I agree with the last sentence of your response to Cheryl--she really is a mother to all of us writers here at PRP. Kudos!
ReplyDelete<3
DeleteElizabeth, thank you, too. I appreciate that so much. My daughter Jessica and I were laughing the other day about how she thinks I have "something" --not sure what--but people will walk up to me in a store and ask all manner of things--total strangers: "What's that perfume you're wearing?" "Do you now where the cake flour might be?" "Which one of these baskets might be better for these flowers?" LOL Just anything and everything. So she swears people see me as a "friend" even when they don't know me. I hope that's true. And a mother? Even better! I love that!
DeleteCheryl,
DeleteSome people are 'natural' mothers, as some are 'teachers' or 'healers' and so on. We all must honor our gifts (while trying not to burn out). Mothering tendencies can definitely be overdone. We must always make sure we take care of ourselves. :-)
Kristy, I've loved this series. I had lunch today with a woman who interviewed me when I was about age 50 for her blog about women who take a leap and reinvent themselves in middle age. Almost ten years later now settled into our new lives, we were catching up and discussing the changes we go through. (I'm being really brain dead now and not expressing this well!)
ReplyDeleteAnother story is a few year ago a friend lent me a copy of Women Who Run with Wolves. I never got around to reading it,when I had to return it to her, I was sure I already had. So sure! Couldn't find it anywhere here and bought her a new copy. Years later, the other week I look at my bookcase and there it is! Not even wedged between other books, but sitting there full-cover showing! I couldn't believe and now I think I better read it.
Patti,
DeleteHaha, the universe is speaking to you. Magic at play ...
I'm very intrigued by this article. I'm very familiar with the three ages of women (and men) as they were posited in Celtic mythology. As I grow older I'm noting how many women wait until everyone else's needs are taken care of before they start looking at their own wishes and ambitions. Just like the crone they run at fulfilling their dreams in the third phase. These archetypes exist for a reason. They are as real as they are eternal.
ReplyDeleteHi C.A.,
DeleteSo true. These aren't new ideas, and they resonate because we all struggle through the same stages. What makes me the saddest is when I meet a woman at the end of her life and she still hasn't resolved the mother in herself because she's still upset at her own mother. In the end, that's not what this is about. Maiden/Mother/Crone is a process within the psyche, and we hand over so much power if we wait for our physical mothers to validate and/or teach us. Some can, but some can't. It's not their fault. They're only human, struggling as much as we are. But I think the danger is to end up living your life for someone else, and we should all strive to mother ourselves to our best life. Thanks for stopping by!
Kristy, what an eloquent and vivid way of describing the stages of a woman's life and spirit.
ReplyDeleteI can see where I fit into these stages and where I veered off the path. Still, even if I got a little lost on relationships there in the "maiden" stage, but I didn't give up. I can easily see where women get derailed in this stage and might not ever get back on track.
Here I am at the "crone" stage. Personally, I don't like the word "crone" in this concept...probably read too many stories where crone=witch. I can see where I have experienced much, learned much, and worked things out often to get to this stage. I like it.
And, I can see where these stages can be used in creating female characters in stories using both the positive aspects you sited in each stage and in the places where women get lost, fall into the "shadows", or "settle".
This was such a unique and fascinating article, Kristy. Thank you!
Sarah,
DeleteThanks for your kind words. While we physically go through these stages (and yes, some women get can get stuck in the maiden stage for their entire life), it's a also a creative cycle that we repeat over and over. Crone has certainly been equated with witch, but usually by people who are afraid to move from the maiden stage lol. I think Crone has a rich and wisdom-filled meaning, and at this stage she can offer wonderful things to our lives and to our work. Cheers!
Interesting blog, Kristy. We can all learn from it. Cheryl, I have the same thing you have, whatever it is. I can be standing on an aisle in Walmart looking at makeup or hair color, and someone will walk up to me and ask if I've tried this certain brand, or shade. Or what would I suggest. I end up helping them choose. I hope none of them are upset with their purchases. Lol.
ReplyDelete