My first published story came out in 1996. I didn’t
know as much about writing then as I do now, and I am still learning. I was a
member of Romance Writers of America back then. A few years later, I joined my
local chapter of Carolinas Romance Writers and took the job of Workshop
Coordinator for all the different educational offerings RWA provided. I
realized I had hit a gold mind of knowledge. Although the classes are open to
all writers, I got to take all the classes for a discounted rate because I was
an RWA member. Although I had taken 2 correspondence courses (they are called
“on line” studies now) and I had taken several college courses in creative
writing, I still had a lot to learn. The RWA classes are numerous and specific
in their topic, so if a writer has difficulty in a certain area, they can sign
up for a particular class to address their need.
Presently, I am deep in edits on a trilogy from my
earliest published work. It’s slow going because the first book in the trilogy
contains all the mistakes a new writer can make. I mentioned in a blog earlier
how my big prologue was shocking and unnecessary to the core of this story. The
huge chunks of passive voice are disturbing enough, but the lack of deep POV
(point of view) is desperately lacking. The majority of you are well acquainted
with deep POV, but for the purpose of this blog I will explain that deep point
of view is when the writer gets into the character’s head and shows the reader
what that character is thinking and feeling in such a way that the reader can
relate to that character.
RWA had a class on writing deep POV. A writer must
eliminate all the distractions that take a reader away from the story. The
following are some tips I learned from this class. I regret that I do not
remember the name of the instructor for this class, but I’m certain she must
still be teaching classes through RWA.
Getting Into The Character's Mind (Deep POV)
1.
Limit your character’s knowledge.
The character cannot know everything. They can’t hear
conversations of other characters unless they are present in the scene. They
can’t know about events or actions unless they learn it from another character
or witnessed it for themselves.
2.
Cut out all filter words.
Filter words are those descriptive words like thought,
saw, wondered, and so on, and show the piece was authored. The character has to
experience these things first hand.
Instead of writing, He
saw the sun rise above the horizon, write the experience. The sun rose up from the hills and its
brightness blinded John.
3.
Limit your dialogue tags.
What really works here is to put the character’s
actions with dialogue.
Instead of writing, “He is no longer any use to me,”
she said, “if he amuses you I shall not end his worthless life…yet,” I changed
it to “He is no longer any use to me.” She shrugged her shoulders. “If he
amuses you I shall not end his worthless life…yet.”
4.
The ultimate “show, don’t tell”
Boy oh boy, we’ve all heard this piece of advice a gazillion times. In deep POV it is imperative to stick to the “no show” advice. Deep POV is a very present, in the moment style. To keep in the character’s mindset, a writer must steer clear of lengthy expositions, info dumps, backstory, and descriptions. All these elements must be exposed in natural ways throughout the story using only the POV character’s thoughts, actions, senses, and conversations.
Boy oh boy, we’ve all heard this piece of advice a gazillion times. In deep POV it is imperative to stick to the “no show” advice. Deep POV is a very present, in the moment style. To keep in the character’s mindset, a writer must steer clear of lengthy expositions, info dumps, backstory, and descriptions. All these elements must be exposed in natural ways throughout the story using only the POV character’s thoughts, actions, senses, and conversations.
5.
Do NOT use passive voice.
This is the difference between having the characters
take some action instead of being acted upon.
Some of you may have heard this
passive voice message before, but here goes: If you can write “by zombies”
after a sentence, it is written in passive voice.
Example: She was imprisoned…by zombies. Change it to action: She became a prisoner
despite her efforts to avoid those zombies.
There are a whole bunch of zombies going on in my
present revision of The Dark Isle. I’m still hunting them down.
Introducing new characters
6.
Be careful when identifying characters.
When a new character comes along, he still has to be
introduced so the reader knows the relationship between him and the other
character. In deep POV the character narrative cannot state, “There stood his
brother.” See how tricky deep POV can get? Instead, the character in deep POV
either has to state it in dialogue or through active thought.
Dialogue: “Look, Ralph, there’s my brother standing on
the hill.”
Active thought (always in present tense and
italicized): For Pete’s sake, there is my
brother standing on the hill.
Or have the new character identify himself. “Finally, I
found you, sister. I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”
There are instances in which deep POV is not an advantage. The writer must determine when to use it and when to back away.
1.
Relate backstory in memories
Because of the deep POV character mindset, all the
important backstory can be relayed through flashes of memory. Just keep in mind
not to do this too frequently since flashbacks do slow the pace of the story.
2.
Relay mental distance.
If your character is going through a traumatic
situation such as being stabbed or robbed and mentally freaking out, the
character isn’t going to be able to process the situation clearly. This would
be an instance in which the writer could tell the story more powerfully by
backing out f deep POV. It’s not something that should happen very often—no more than two or three times is enough.
Painting by Claude Monet
3.
Paint a hyper-vivid picture.
This is one of those glorious times when deep POV
allows the writer to bring all the senses together the way an artist uses color
to paint a scene. Get all the details in there from all five senses to emotions
and memories. I love when I come across these passages of complete emersion
into a writer’s story. I hope I can bring these deep POV scenes as well.
Do you find yourself looking at your older work and
discovering the lack of deep POV? Is deep POV something you strive for in your
writing? There are famous authors who did not write from deep POV like Jane
Austin and many of us certainly loved her stories, so not all of us are trying
to write from deep POV.
Well, I’m discovering a great deal about my writing
style from my first work and where I want to go from here. Editing and revising
are becoming an enlightening journey of discovery for me.
Sarah
J. McNeal is a multi-published author who writes
diverse stories filled with heart. She is a retired ER and Critical Care nurse
who lives in North Carolina with her four-legged children, Lily, the Golden
Retriever and Liberty, the cat. Besides her devotion to writing, she also has a
great love of music and plays several instruments including violin, bagpipes,
guitar and harmonica. Her books and short stories may be found at Prairie Rose
Publications and its imprints Painted Pony Books, and Fire Star Press and
Sundown Press. She welcomes you to her website and social media:
