Bringing A Story Back From The Dead by Sarah J. McNeal

My first published story came out in 1996. I didn’t know as much about writing then as I do now, and I am still learning. I was a member of Romance Writers of America back then. A few years later, I joined my local chapter of Carolinas Romance Writers and took the job of Workshop Coordinator for all the different educational offerings RWA provided. I realized I had hit a gold mind of knowledge. Although the classes are open to all writers, I got to take all the classes for a discounted rate because I was an RWA member. Although I had taken 2 correspondence courses (they are called “on line” studies now) and I had taken several college courses in creative writing, I still had a lot to learn. The RWA classes are numerous and specific in their topic, so if a writer has difficulty in a certain area, they can sign up for a particular class to address their need.

Presently, I am deep in edits on a trilogy from my earliest published work. It’s slow going because the first book in the trilogy contains all the mistakes a new writer can make. I mentioned in a blog earlier how my big prologue was shocking and unnecessary to the core of this story. The huge chunks of passive voice are disturbing enough, but the lack of deep POV (point of view) is desperately lacking. The majority of you are well acquainted with deep POV, but for the purpose of this blog I will explain that deep point of view is when the writer gets into the character’s head and shows the reader what that character is thinking and feeling in such a way that the reader can relate to that character.

RWA had a class on writing deep POV. A writer must eliminate all the distractions that take a reader away from the story. The following are some tips I learned from this class. I regret that I do not remember the name of the instructor for this class, but I’m certain she must still be teaching classes through RWA.

Getting Into The Character's Mind (Deep POV)

1. Limit your character’s knowledge.

The character cannot know everything. They can’t hear conversations of other characters unless they are present in the scene. They can’t know about events or actions unless they learn it from another character or witnessed it for themselves.

2. Cut out all filter words.

Filter words are those descriptive words like thought, saw, wondered, and so on, and show the piece was authored. The character has to experience these things first hand.

Instead of writing, He saw the sun rise above the horizon, write the experience. The sun rose up from the hills and its brightness blinded John.

3. Limit your dialogue tags.

What really works here is to put the character’s actions with dialogue.

Instead of writing, “He is no longer any use to me,” she said, “if he amuses you I shall not end his worthless life…yet,” I changed it to “He is no longer any use to me.” She shrugged her shoulders. “If he amuses you I shall not end his worthless life…yet.”

4. The ultimate “show, don’t tell”
Boy oh boy, we’ve all heard this piece of advice a gazillion times. In deep POV it is imperative to stick to the “no show” advice. Deep POV is a very present, in the moment style. To keep in the character’s mindset, a writer must steer clear of lengthy expositions, info dumps, backstory, and descriptions. All these elements must be exposed in natural ways throughout the story using only the POV character’s thoughts, actions, senses, and conversations.

5. Do NOT use passive voice.

This is the difference between having the characters take some action instead of being acted upon. 

Some of you may have heard this passive voice message before, but here goes: If you can write “by zombies” after a sentence, it is written in passive voice.

Example: She was imprisoned…by zombies.  Change it to action: She became a prisoner despite her efforts to avoid those zombies.

There are a whole bunch of zombies going on in my present revision of The Dark Isle. I’m still hunting them down.

Introducing new characters

6. Be careful when identifying characters.

When a new character comes along, he still has to be introduced so the reader knows the relationship between him and the other character. In deep POV the character narrative cannot state, “There stood his brother.” See how tricky deep POV can get? Instead, the character in deep POV either has to state it in dialogue or through active thought.

Dialogue: “Look, Ralph, there’s my brother standing on the hill.”

Active thought (always in present tense and italicized): For Pete’s sake, there is my brother standing on the hill.

Or have the new character identify himself. “Finally, I found you, sister. I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

There are instances in which deep POV is not an advantage. The writer must determine when to use it and when to back away.

1. Relate backstory in memories

Because of the deep POV character mindset, all the important backstory can be relayed through flashes of memory. Just keep in mind not to do this too frequently since flashbacks do slow the pace of the story.

2. Relay mental distance.

If your character is going through a traumatic situation such as being stabbed or robbed and mentally freaking out, the character isn’t going to be able to process the situation clearly. This would be an instance in which the writer could tell the story more powerfully by backing out f deep POV. It’s not something that should happen very often—no more than two or three times is enough.

Painting by Claude Monet

3. Paint a hyper-vivid picture.

This is one of those glorious times when deep POV allows the writer to bring all the senses together the way an artist uses color to paint a scene. Get all the details in there from all five senses to emotions and memories. I love when I come across these passages of complete emersion into a writer’s story. I hope I can bring these deep POV scenes as well.

Do you find yourself looking at your older work and discovering the lack of deep POV? Is deep POV something you strive for in your writing? There are famous authors who did not write from deep POV like Jane Austin and many of us certainly loved her stories, so not all of us are trying to write from deep POV.

Well, I’m discovering a great deal about my writing style from my first work and where I want to go from here. Editing and revising are becoming an enlightening journey of discovery for me.

Sarah J. McNeal is a multi-published author who writes diverse stories filled with heart. She is a retired ER and Critical Care nurse who lives in North Carolina with her four-legged children, Lily, the Golden Retriever and Liberty, the cat. Besides her devotion to writing, she also has a great love of music and plays several instruments including violin, bagpipes, guitar and harmonica. Her books and short stories may be found at Prairie Rose Publications and its imprints Painted Pony Books, and Fire Star Press and Sundown Press. She welcomes you to her website and social media:

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