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Friday, March 21, 2014

Naked in Church

By Kathleen Rice Adams

Many people suffer nightmare in which they find themselves naked in the middle of a crowd. What does the dream mean?Fiction writers face all sorts of fears: fear of rejection, fear of success, fear of failure, fear of the blank page, fear of running out of ideas, fear that this internal something that drives us to create is destructive, because all we've managed to put on paper so far is criminally bad... The list goes on.

Recently, I've realized one of the biggest writing-related fears I face is what I call the naked-in-church fear. The nightmare reportedly is common: There you are on Sunday morning, filing into the sanctuary along with everyone else, when suddenly you realize you aren’t wearing a stitch of clothing ... and everyone is staring. “Oh dear,” you think, blushing scarlet from head to foot. “I know I was wearing something besides my birthday suit when I left the house. Of all the places to be caught in the nude. I’ll never live this down.”

Most dream interpretations attribute the naked-in-church nightmare to fear of exposure: as a fraud, as wanton beneath a prim exterior, as someone who harbors dark secrets. Psychologists often say the dream is an attempt by the subconscious to inform the dreamer he is being disloyal to himself by hiding something.

Regardless how emotionally close we are to friends and family, there are just some things humans don't want others to know, and writers are no exception. Like everyone else, we pile on the layers of clothing before we head out to church. However, what makes good fiction phenomenal is the writer’s ability to “bleed” onto the page; to open veins and let emotions and visceral experiences flow through our characters in order to move readers with the same force they moved us. To do that, we must peel off the emotional equivalent of our Sunday best.

Right now, I’m working on a scene that’s quite a bit different from anything I’ve written before. It’s been a pure battle to make the words work. I’ve changed point of view twice. I’ve moved the characters to another setting. I’ve played with the weather, which has absolutely nothing to do with the action because the characters are indoors. I’ve even ripped out the whole darn scene and started over.

That’s when I realized I was wearing too many clothes.

Now, someone with a firm grip on decorum might take a moment to close her eyes, breathe deeply, and attempt to crawl inside her characters’ skin. Sadly, I am not someone with a firm grip on decorum. Instead of walking the more conventional path, I decided to confront the naked-in-church fear head-on. Why not? I had the house to myself, except for the dogs. I would show that fear who was boss.

Dogs (and pleather chairs, which can be remarkably cold, I discovered) have the most uncanny ability to knock ridiculous notions right out of a person. All three of the canine critics raised their heads, yawned, and then filed from the room.

Not one of my finer moments. On the positive side, at least now I have a visceral connection to a couple of emotions that ought to be useful somewhere.

There is much to be gained from confronting one’s fears. The next time I confront one of mine, though, I believe I’ll take a less radical approach.



Thanks to ForestWander, a father-and-son team of nature photographers in West Virginia, for the image.



24 comments:

  1. Well, Tex, as usual--food for thought, coming from you. I'm not really sure I've ever had a naked in church moment. I guess I don't have a "filter" for that when I'm writing. I think a lot of that comes from the birth order. You're the oldest in your family and I'm the youngest. Because the oldest child is usually the "guinea pig" for the parents, and expected to be perfect (I'm rolling my eyes when I think of your poor parents trying to make you perfect!) LOL I believe they have more of these "naked in church" moments than the youngest child does. Why? Because by the time the youngest child comes along, nobody cares if they're naked in church, and they don't, either! So many things can be attributed to birth order. I believe--just my opinion, of course--that being the youngest (and therefore not having had the pressure of expectation that the oldest has) allows you to be freer with thoughts and "rule-breaking". My mom gave me some really good advice when I was a young girl. I would get really nervous before a piano recital. Ddin't mind the contests as much as recitals, because I knew a lot of the people at the recitals, so the "approval factor" was much higher for me. Mom always said, "There is no one in that room who can play (insert title of song here) better than you can except your teacher. So even if you make a mistake, it's no big deal, because no one else could sit down and play it like you will." See? By golly, don't worry about going to church without one stitch of clothing! LOL Great post, Kathleen. I find this subject just fascinating.
    Cheryl

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  2. Now I've heard everything! Writing naked...hmmmm. But I like your gumption, Kathleen. It's right on the mark. Everything you said is true. I look at my early work (not too often because it makes one cringe too much) and I realize that I was too careful. I'm trying to be less so. But, if it were easy then everybody would be doing it. The other day, when I was ruminating over my writing yet again and feeling a bit down, I realized something. It's just words on a paper (as opposed to brain surgery, where a mistake really could be a problem), and I can always do better next time. No foul, move on. Next story, strip off more clothing--figuratively and literally. :-)

    I agree with Cheryl about birth order. I'm an oldest. It's taken me years to shed my perfectionist attitudes, mostly because they were destroying me. My oldest child is the same. My youngest, on the other hand, is raw and daring, and often doesn't give a rat's ass about what her friends or her parents (often to my dismay) think. Man, I really aspire to be her. :-)

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  3. Cheryl, y'all youngest kids had it easy -- right Kristy? :-D

    Eldest children are tough for parents (which y'all know, since you're both mothers): At the same time parents are trying to teach the eldest child how to get along in the world, they're learning how to raise responsible kids -- which is not nearly as easy as one might imagine.

    The eldest usually hears admonishments like "You've got to set a good example for the younger ones." The only example I ever managed to set for my brothers and sister was how to get in trouble with Mom and Dad without really trying. Sneaky hell-spawn that they were, my siblings had an amazing knack for starting something and then pointing the finger at me. I'll swear, for much of my early life, I thought my name was "Go to Your Room." :-D

    Kristy, I'm still working on the perfectionist hang-up. LOVE your perspective about "just words on paper"! I think I'll write that in humongous letters on the whiteboard in my office. Thank you!

    Cheryl, your mom was a wise woman. Life would be so much more pleasant if we could all learn not to compare ourselves to others, wouldn't it? Competing only with ourselves in an effort to improve our performance at whatever it is we aspire to do might just give us more energy for accomplishing our goals. :-)

    As for the naked writing: I'm just glad the dogs haven't learned how to operate the camera...yet.

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  4. Hi Kathleen. I guess I'm lucky, I've never had the 'naked in Church' dream, never had a naked in any place dream actually, although I do have most of the fears that you list at the start there. I do try to 'bleed' but I reckon I'm not cutting deep enough, or the knife's blunt! You surprised me that you have any insecurities re- writing! I don't know any of you very well yet but you and the other ladies in PRP all seem to write up a storm all the time and are never short of words!!! Great post.

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  5. Friends don't let friends craft naked. ☺ As always...a good'n, Tex.

    ~ Owl

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  6. Jill, I think every writer has at least a few insecurities. You're so kind to compliment my writing. Thank you! I'm equally surprised you have any insecurities. Maybe all of us have great wardrobes. ;-)

    Well, then, Cindy, I'm blaming YOU for the naked-writing disaster. You put the dogs up to it, didn't you? :-P

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  7. Here I come to throw a rock in Cheryl's theory. I'm the youngest and the only girl and I've suffered through many "naked in church" dreams, and sometimes I know I need to leave a lot more blood on the page. I often have to go back and just like quicksand the more I struggle the more I sink until I give in and leave my pound of flesh offering.

    Though I haven't gone to the same extreme as Tex. I don't even have dogs, but no one, including me, needs to that. :)

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    1. We all expected that if anyone was going to throw rocks, it would be you, Rustler. :-D

      Sounds like you're doing the writing part right, though: bleeding, floundering in quicksand, lopping off chunks of flesh... You know: SOP stuff. (SOP = standard operating procedure, for y'all who haven't spent copious time sneaking around behind Marines like certain Wyomin' Rustlers have. ;-) )

      As for no one needing to see that? Judging by the dogs' reaction, we're in the same boat. :-\

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  8. Don't think I'm gonna get naked to write, but I can see the need to peel back the layers of my psyche to get to the heart of my characters. Leave it to you, Kathleen, to come up with something as unique as this naked and afraid scenerio. LOL You crack me up.

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    1. Sarah, after my brief experience with textile freedom, I don't advise anyone to get naked in order to get in touch with their cosmic self. I mean, seriously: How pathetic does one have to be for the DOGS to go in search of more attractive scenery? **sigh**

      HUGS, sweetie!

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  9. Love this post and thread! I have had the naked in church dream many times, except church is a conference at a hotel ballroom and I am the featured (but naked) speaker. I have spoken at conferences many times thankfully always clothed. This dream consistently shows up if I am concerned about an upcoming responsibility.
    I am a youngest child in my family. My first born sister has these dreams too but she shows up naked in front of her college or med school students.

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    1. Hi, SKC!

      Something's backward here. I thought speakers were supposed to imagine the audience naked, not the other way around. Turnabout is fair play and all, but... That's a really dirty trick for your subconscious to play on you! :-D

      Thanks for stopping by! :-)

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  10. What a great metaphor, Kathleen. I have honestly never had a naked-anywhere dream (fortunately for dream-people; I look horrible naked) ...mine always have me wandering someplace and never quite getting there. I sure get your drift though. I hate when real life gets in the way of writing. I find intimes of crisis, I just can't think straight and writing just gets sucked away... So enjoyed the post, my friend! xo

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    1. Tanya, come sit over here by Kirsten and me. If we huddle together, maybe passersby will think we're a brave artistic statement made by a famous sculptor. :-)

      Boy that crisis thing is so true, isn't it? The worst part about that is that writing makes us feel whole. When something steals our ability to write, the theft just adds another layer of distress to an already stressful situation.

      I hope things are getting back to normal for you, sweetie. BIG HUGS!!!!

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  11. Brilliant! Loved and related to this post. Thank you. Doris

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    1. Doris, please tell me your dogs haven't made such an ungracious statement. Honestly, I think this is one case where misery would prefer not to have company. :-D

      HUGS to you, dear!

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    3. It was the cats, but they always act that way, unless it's something they want. (Grin).
      I also am an oldest, child, grandchild, great grandchild...so relate. Doris

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    4. LOL! Well, you know what they say about cats and dogs: "Dogs have masters; cats have staff." :-D

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    5. A few months ago, I went into a family restaurant in a small mountain town off the beaten track (something I like to do whenever opportunity presents itself,) and slid into the only free booth which was next to a small group of ladies who I came to believe had been friends for years. They were discussing some very private matters. I elected to forsake the booth in favor of a seat that just opened up at the counter.
      That is kind of how I feel now, but it has been educational and thought provoking. I'm glad I came to the party. Thank you all, but Kathleen, I'm 75 years old. If I tried that, my poor dogs would be in therapy for years.

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    6. LOL! Oh, Rod, I got such a laugh out of that final sentence. Thank you for brightening my day, sweetheart!

      Sorry for making you feel like you need to change booths, but I'm so glad you joined the party. BIG HUGS!!!!

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  12. Oops. left my name off. Rod Thompson

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  13. and by the way. Our oldest daughter was a constant battle to keep her room clean. The second one was treated more leniently. By number three, we were just telling them all to keep their doors shut. Again, from Rod Thompson

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    1. This seems to be a common progression with parents who have more than one child. My youngest brother and I still spar about how he got away with a room in which I swear he could have grown mushrooms. :-D

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