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Saturday, May 24, 2014

Memorial Day -- by Barb Betts


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Greetings,

Author B.J. Betts here.

The trees in my yard have started to leaf out and my first flowers of spring have started to bloom. Ahh, spring. Finally, I thought this past winter would hang on forever as many of us across the country did.

But with the leafing out of trees and the fresh, sweet scent of new spring flowers brings to mind the beginning of summer holidays. Memorial Day will soon be upon us,

Memorial Day, a day set aside to honor and remember those men and woman who served in the armed forces and fought and died protecting these United States.  Memorial Day, a holiday steeped richly in controversy as to when and where it began.

Some say the first freed slaves began the tradition of honoring the dead by dancing, singing and strewing flowers along the roadside where soldiers died.  John A Logan dedicated May 30th 1866 as the day to celebrate and remember the confederate soldiers who died during the Civil War. But in 1868 war widows gathered at Arlington National Cemetery to lay flowers and flags on each soldiers grave whether the soldier be from the north or the south. Although they were not presidents yet, both Ulysses S. Grant and James A. Garfield were in attendance that day to honor the fallen soldiers.





Although Memorial Day was celebrated on different days throughout the country, on May 5, 1866 Waterloo, New York was officially named the birthplace of the Memorial Day holiday. On that day business were closed and all work stopped so everyone could enjoy the day and play tribute to the fallen soldiers. 

In 1971 it was recognized as an official federal holiday to be celebrated on the last Monday in May. Some say the date had more to do with all of the flowers being in bloom than anything else as to why they set that day. To most of us it is the official day of the beginning of summer.

My earliest memories of the Memorial Day holiday were ones I spent with my Grandma , Desi Fronk. Only she didn’t call it Memorial Day, she called it Decoration Day. We’d spend the morning walking through her yard and clipping clusters of freshly bloomed, purply lilacs. Their sweet scent would fill the air. As we walked along she’d tell me stories about each family member who had passed on. Who they were, how they were related to me and so on. At last we would come to her newly bloomed peony bushes, only grandma never called them peonies but pennies-- to this day when I hear them called that I think of Grandma Fronk.

 By noon we’d pile into the car for trip to the cemetery where most of our family was buried. We’d walk solemnly among the graves setting the flowers we’d picked and put into pretty vases on each grave. Grandpa and my uncles would place a small flag on those who had served in the military. I’d watch as Grandma would take a hanky out of her pocket and wipe away a single tear that trickled down her cheek as she stood over a beloved family member’s grave.

After the graves were seen to it was time to eat. By then everyone who was coming had arrived at Fairmont Park. Picnic tables were full of culinary delights from each family. Grandma’s fried chicken, momma’s baked beans and potato salad were sure to please. The older folks sat and talked about their younger days and the state of the country, new momma’s sat and talked about their new babies, my daddy and uncles played horseshoes, while my cousins, sisters and brother sat and ate water melon and spit the seeds at each other. At the days end after an afternoon of playing baseball and You’re It, I’d crawl into the back seat of daddy’s car, my tummy full of Grandma’s cherry pie and Aunt Sharon’s chocolate cake.

Since I’m grown with a family of my own and am now a grandmother, I’ve tried to keep Grandma Fronk’s traditions alive… but with my children moving away and everyone working it hasn’t been an easy task. But I try as best I can to tell my grandkids the stories of those who have gone before us. It’s like our lives are all a small piece of fabric in a patch work quilt… with each of our lives adding its own color and flavor to the quilt.





In my own way, my story Echoes in the Night, a story about two brothers who are drafted to go and fight in Vietnam, but only one returns, and Saigon Moon, a story about a young Marine who leaves his fiancé and small Iowa town behind to go and serve his country in Vietnam, are my tributes to our soldiers who fought and died for their country. Both books will be available this coming July and August.

 

          

 

Would any of you like to share a memory of a special loved one who has passed on or how you spend Memorial Day? I’d love to hear from you.

26 comments:

  1. Barb, I remember going with my mom to buy wreaths to place on the graves of relatives when I was a little girl. It seems as time goes by the true meaning of Memorial Day disappears more each year. My mom called it Decoration Day, too. Thanks for these wonderful memories.
    Cheryl

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    1. You're welcome. I worry that my great grandchildren will never know the bittersweet reason for this holiday, that the tradition of going to the cemetery to honor our loved ones that have passed on will be lost forever.

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  2. Barb,
    Coming from a small community we really didn't do much in the way of celebration. Instead it was an ongoing telling of history.
    Now, being far away from everyone, I spend my time researching and trying to tell the stories of people that time may have forgotten.
    I can still enjoy the memories of others and I thank you for sharing yours. Doris

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    1. You're welcome Doris. I wish I would have paid better attention to my grandmothers stories. As the years have gone by I have so may questions that I'm sure the answers died with her.

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  3. Barb--since I have very few memories of Memorial Day, thanks for sharing yours. And I imagine I'm older than you, so I should have a few. We called it Decoration Day, too, and bought crepe paper red poppies from boys scouts or women. I loved the stories about your family. I'll watch for your releases.

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    1. Thank you Celia. Through the years I have bought red poppies from the boy scouts as well.

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  4. Growing up, we did about the same thing--decorate the graves and we always had flags for the veterans. Sometimes the American Legion would have a 3-shot salute (can't remember what they called that). Very touching. Then we'd go have a huge doin's in someone's backyard--potato salad was and still is my favorite Memorial Day picnic food. :)

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    1. Some sweet memories for sure. It seems you cant have a picnic without the potato salad. One of my favorites as well. The weather man is calling for rain this weekend but I will still be preparing potato salad and chocolate cake for the family gathering.

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  5. Barb, I just got back from decorating the graves of family in Sheridan. The Legion will be putting flags on two of those graves early Monday morning. This year I'll be spending Memorial Day working, but remembering.

    We always decorated the graves on Friday or Saturday and then Monday the family gathered at Mom's for a fried chicken dinner, jabbering and play.

    I can't wait to read your books coming out this summer. I'm a Naval Historian and worked in DC for six years before returning home. I still contract with the Marines for telework. I'm currently writing a series that follows a family's history and I'm up to Vietnam where my series will break somewhat from just the family and follow the brothers in arms of my current hero.

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    1. I was over to the Blair cemetery this morning to put flowers on graves from husbands side of the family. I still have to go to Council Bluffs for my side. We did our usual walk through the cemetery. A lot of his family is buried there going back into the 1800's. In 2012 he lost his mom and brother 6 weeks apart so it's still with a heavy heart we remember their loss. I love writing stories from the Vietnam War era. I guess as a teen ager during that time it made a real impact on me. I am very excited about my books coming out this summer! :)

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  6. I didn't realize until recently that Congress didn't declare Memorial Day a national holiday until 1971 -- during the Viet Nam War. Maybe I thought the federal observance was much older because I was raised in a military family. My siblings and I grew up hyper-aware of the significance of Decoration Day/Memorial Day.

    May we never forget those who went before -- in both war and peace. On Memorial Day in particular, though, let us remember the men and women who wrote a blank check to the rest of us, payable in an amount up to and including their lives.

    Thanks for sharing this historical perspective and your memories with us, Barn...er, Barb. ;-) HUGS!!!!

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    1. I think the Barn thing is starting to stick. :)
      I didn't realize their was such controversy about the holiday until I researched it. I know when we were in North Carolina my husband had taken a job in Greensboro and Memorial Day was not offered as one of his paid holidays. I didn't realize why until I was researching this as to why. According to my sources some folks in the south still don't celebrate it.

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  7. All the 35-or so years I lived in and around my hometown, Memorial weekend, and we also called it Decoration Day, was important in my family. I grew up with the tradition of going to the cemetery to clean the headstones and put real flowers out. My maternal grandfather, in his retirement years, was the grounds keeper at our cemetery, so I spent a lot of time there with him.

    I haven't lived near my hometown for the last 23 years, so my visits back to the cemetery there have been few and far between. My husband's family (where I live now) has no traditions involving visiting their family graves. Sort of makes me sad on both accounts.

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    1. I know how you feel. For many years after my marriage to my husband, it was our duty to transport his mother to Blair Nebraska to clean off the graves of his people and put flowers on their graves. Each year we would then go to the Blair park and gather with his relatives from Blair and picnic. Sadly most of his family has died off, their children have moved on.

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  8. I look forward to reading your books. I personally feel as though our military men and women don't get the recognition they deserve. Those 'old' family traditions seem to have been lost in time. Things move to fast these days and almost all of the stores and businesses are still open. My dear baby boy is in the military. They still get snubbed by some. Every now and then he tells me of a time when someone will buy his lunch or thank him. My papaw, grandpa, dad, and step dad have all served and so did several of my uncles. We had the family get togethers and I remember them very fondly. I try to keep those traditions alive, but it seems so many are too busy, not enough time, so there are a fraction of what there used to be. I will be going tomorrow to place fresh flowers on graves and be thankful for their service, that they did come home from war, and that they were an important part of my life.

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    1. Angel, my husband is a Viet Nam vet, and talk about some snubbing going on! Of course, it was awful when he first came back (this was before I met him--I think I was like 12 when he was over there). But there are so many of the vets of that era that feel that way--even the American Legion didn't want them to join back then--now that they're dying out, he gets stuff every other day wanting him to join and pay dues. He laughs when he throws it in the trash. He's one of the most patriotic people ever. I'm so so sorry about your son having to endure that kind of treatment! People should thank our vets every day for the sacrifices they make. Please tell your son I would like to give him a personal, very heart-felt THANK YOU for his service.

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    2. I have a son who served two tours in Afghanistan and a grandson and his wife who both served in Iraq. I am so proud of them. In recent months both families have experienced a cut in benefits making it more difficult for them to make ends meet. So I do think more needs to be done to help those who serve to protect our nation.

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    3. Cheryl I too was growing up during the Vietnam War. I remember the protests and burning of draft cards. In recent years I met a man who spent a lot of time in Mexico and Canada during the war. When my son came home from basic training folks actually stopped him and shook is hand for his service. A drastic difference than what was given to our soldiers coming home from Nam some were actually spit on. Much like the Memorial Day holiday the Vietnam War was a very controversial war.

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    4. I was a young teen during the Vietnam War. My dad served as Ops Officer at Cam Ranh Bay in 1969, when I was 12. Even so, I might have protested the war...had the U.S. not withdrawn before I was old enough to become a protestor. Still, I can't imagine ever holding the war against the soldiers. They had a job to do, and they did it. A whole generation of young men came home broken in one way or another. A whole generation of young men and women is coming home broken now. Maybe one of these Memorial Days, we'll see how senseless that is -- and we'll see how wrong it is to turn our backs on courageous young people who've done their duty, simply because they're no longer of any use.

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    5. Kathleen, I agree wholeheartedly. I still don't understand how we as a country could turn on our own soldiers especially since a lot of them were drafted. The soldiers that I knew personally, that returned were never the same. And yet again as you say we have soldiers returning home once again broken.

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  9. I spent my day going to five cemeteries, so the tradition still goes on in our family to decorate graves.

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    1. That is awesome. Wonderful to hear the tradition is still going strong in your family.

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  10. What Cheryl said about Viet Nam vets is sadly true. I remember once on a plane trip (yikes!) back to Omaha, Nebraska from North Carolina, there were several Viet Nam soldiers on board. The stewardesses ignored them and people shunned them. I was so ashamed for the way they were treated. I never got the why of that. They were drafted in those days. They did their duty to their country and were mistreated for it.
    My friend spent most of her nursing career in the Air Force and went to Iraq and Afghanistan several times. The last time she came back, she was changed. She has PTSD. She certainly deserves respect for her sacrifices, just like so many others who have come back forever changed by the ravages of war.
    I remember the little graveyard next to my grandfather's house always had these little American flags on all the graves of the soldiers buried there. Some soldiers were from the American Revolution.
    You would think in a city like Charlotte, NC, there would be Memorial Day activities going on. Instead, they've blocked off downtown for Speed Week.
    Really?
    I really enjoyed reading your post today, Angel. I wish you every success.

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    1. Thank you Sarah. I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I can't even imagine the horror she must have lived through. I was surprised when we lived in Burlington that my husbands job did not recognize Memorial Day as a paid holiday off. We being Yankees had never heard of his before. I am so happy to hear you enjoyed my post and thank you for your wishes for my success.

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    2. Oh, and by the way, I'm sorry for thinking Angel was a nickname you used, Barb. So I got the name screwed up, but that's me--not always on par.

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    3. That's quite alright. I think I got the nick name of Barn right off the bat. Angel is much nicer though. LOL.

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